3 Foods that will light your ass up
3 Foods that will light your ass up

This post is about 3 Foods that will light your ass up if you are not carefull.

3 Foods that will light your ass up

Here is a list of 3 foods that will put you in the hurt-locker if you’re not careful when eating them. The sneaky thing about these is that they disguise themselves as innocent little baby lambs soaking up some sun in a poppy field on a quiet Saturday morning.

But little do you know that these aren’t innocent baby lambs….These are AK-47 assault rifle carrying S.W.A.T. Team hairy back paratrooper black widows who are trained to kill at the drop of a hat, they have no families, no conscience and are trained by elite government mercenaries.

Kind of like the neighbor next door that you don’t know what he exactly does, but always is pushing a fresh blacked out Hummer H2, kids are all well behaved, even send you a fruitcake for Christmas…Little did you know, it had to be somebody’s Colombian drug cartel sister make that fruitcake before she was murdered for owing money to a check cashing place, down there on 27th and Broadway….all dressed up as baby lambs. Don’t get caught in this web.

Suspect #1

  • Real Name: Javier von Erickson
  • Code name: “chicken wing”
  • Known for: The element of surprise…
  • Javier “chicken wing” von Erickson is kind of like eating American Chinese Food, your cool for about an hour, then your hungry again. Seriously who eats just 1 chicken wing? When I eat chicken wings I can eat damn near a whole bucket. That’s how they get you. Javier…I mean “chicken wing” hides his poison in the skin, and then he will get himself fried. Then he will throw some BBQ sauce on himself. Recipe for disaster. 5 chicken wings with all the fixin’s is 500 calories! Suck on that for awhile.

3 Foods that will light your ass up

Suspect #2

  • Real Name: Brutus Jackson
  • Code Name: “bagel”
  • Known for: His cream cheese fetish
  • Brutus “bagel” Jackson knows that people love him and also knows that people love him even more in the mornings. Brutus also realizes that he is awful bland. That is why Brutus is knows for a cream cheese fetish. A large Brutus is 364 calories! Slap on some of that delicious cream cheese you got 550 plus calories on your hand. Have fun with that insulin spike.

Suspect #3

  • Real Name: Xavier Juvientued
  • Code Name: “vitamin water”
  • Knows for: Out right scandals and lies
  • Xavier “vitamin water” Juvientued is the classic grifter and shoots for the long con. He puts on a vitamin disguise and plays on your lack of knowledge. Taught by the late great Flintstone Vitamins, Xavier, after a falling out with the Hanna-Barbara clan and down on his luck from a gambling addiction, put himself in bottled water and vitamins, which is fine but where he gets ya is the excess sugar. Xavier is very, very smart; don’t let his sweet taste fool you again. 200 calories and 50 grams of sugar. Keep a sharp lookout on the Nutritional Facts on the side.

This concludes 3 Foods that will light your ass up if you are not carefull.

Charles Lloyd
Charles Lloyd

Self processed fitness missionary and author of most of the ridiculous fitness articles written on Charles Lloyd Fitness.com. I am not really a writer, but a workout fiend who happens to have a blog. The single mission of this website is very simple: Get You In Shape. I have been blessed with the gift of good health and want to share it with you. Join Me.

    2 replies to "3 Foods that will light your ass up if you’re not careful"

    • Tee

      I never knew that about the Vitamin Water, thanks for the heads up…Damn you 50 Cent!!!

    • Charles Lloyd

      Exactly, Just look on the side of container….50 got paid off that deal though.

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